Adventures In Parodyverse: Missing a Step (special edition)

NOTE: This little tale is likely filled with inaccuracies, spelling errors, and characterization problems, as it was written directly from a dream I had last night. Try to keep the complaints and lynchings to a minimum please.

Adventures In Parodyverse - Missing A Step

    Sir Mumphrey Wilton tapped his wine glass to get the attention of everyone at the dinner table. Surrounding him at the large table within the Lair Mansion were members of both the Lair Legion, the Junior Lair Legion, and three guests.

    One of the guests was the reason Sir Mumphrey called everyone to the dinner. And that all began with a meeting between Mumph and the Manga Shoggoth.

    "I'm a bit concerned." Sir Mumphrey explained to the Manga Shoggoth. He spoke without fear to the blasphemous gellid being. "You are taking care of a human teenager on your own...and she has little exposure to other humans."

    'Liu Xi interacts with Ebony on a regular basis,' the Manga Shoggoth replied almost scientifically. 'And occasionally she helps out with Lemuria.'

    "That does little to help her fit into and understand our modern world," Sir Mumphrey told him.

    A long pause from the Manga Shoggoth was his reply at first. 'She must be protected,' he finally admitted, 'Her...unique nature makes her desirable to those who might want to corrupt her.'

    "Such as?" Sir Mumphrey asked.

    The Manga Shoggoth's tone darkened as he replied, 'I think you know.'

    It was at that point that a compromise was struck. In exchange for increased contact with the modern world, Sir Mumphrey would take personal responsibility for her protection. While that alone didn't alleviate the Shoggoth's concerns, he also offered to invite the Lair Legion to dinner to meet Liu Xi, hoping to explain the situation to them all.

    "The more eyes we have on Liu Xi," Mumph promised, "The safer she will be."

    Sir Mumphrey Wilton raised his glass at dinner and stood. "I would like to formally introduce our special guests here. One you have likely all met...the High Priestess Ebony."

    Ebony nodded once but didn't stand.

    "The second, some of you have met." He looked directly at Yuki Shiro, sitting next to Al B. Harper. "Yuki Shiro."

    Yuki stood for a moment and bowed slightly.

    "And our third guest, which only very few of you have met--" Mumph looked at Visionary, who seemed to be getting preemptively nauseous, "--Liu Xi Xian."

    The small Chinese teen rose slowly, looking a little nervous with so many people facing her. She wore a bright red silk tailored shirt and black silk pants...both supplied by Ebony, and obtained from an unknown place. Her hair was long but tied back neatly.

    "I thought I might introduce her to you formally," Mumph continued, "Because she has become our responsibility."

    "What?" Visionary suddenly panicked, "She's going to become a Junior Legion member? I don't think I can--"

    "You're getting ahead of yourself, Visionary," Mumph told him. "She will still be the Manga Shoggoth's responsibility. But she also needs to interact with--"

    "I don't wish to be anyone's 'responsibility'," Liu Xi interrupted, sounding frustrated.

    "Young lady, you do realize that--" Mumph began.

    "Yes," she interrupted again, this time more rudely, "I understand why I must be protected. The Manga Shoggoth explained it to me well."

    Sir Mumphrey smiled and chuckled. "You're very intelligent, Liu Xi," he complimented. "Very well...I have requested that the Manga Shoggoth allow Liu Xi to interact with us more regularly. She may not be helping us in the field but expect to see her in the Lair Mansion or at Al B Harper's cabin more often." He stopped there because he could tell by her expression that Liu Xi wanted to speak again.

    "I don't want to be treated like a child," she announced. "I have learned to take care of myself. I can defend myself."

    Mumph smiled again. "Very well. We will allow her to go about her business, yet protect and aid her if she requests it. Any objections?"

    Oddly enough, even Visionary said nothing during the moment of silence that followed.

    "Excellent," Sir Mumphrey sat and nodded to signal that the meal had begun. He looked down to put his napkin on his lap...and suddenly heard silence, aside from someone clapping. When he looked up, everyone except he and Liu Xi had frozen in place...and the Hooded Hood stood at the opposite end of the table, clapping slowly.

    "Bravo," the Hooded Hood said. "I always enjoy a good motivational speech."

    "What are you doing here, you bloody parasite!" Sir Mumphrey fumed.

    "I thought it was beyond you to ask rhetorical questions," the Hooded Hood replied. He looked directly at Liu Xi, who was standing now and had a dark, angry look in her eyes. "I wouldn't," he warned her, "remember, young lady...a small twist of fate would see you on the streets of New Orleans as an enslaved prostitute."

    "Bounder!" Sir Mumphrey cursed at him. He left his seat and warned, "If you wish to take her from this room you'll have to go through me!" One hand was on his temporal pocket watch inside his dinner jacket.

    "I don't wish to take her," the Hooded Hood corrected. He looked at Liu Xi. "I wish her to make a choice. Until now she has only seen one view of the world...yours. I wish to offer her mine...and let her choose."

    "Under threat of reprisal?" Sir Mumphrey asked. "What sort of choice is that?"

    "No reprisal. I know why he asks me to join him." Liu Xi whispered, seeming calmer now all of a sudden. Her eyes narrowed. "He fears me."

    The Hooded Hood seemed to lose his composure for just a moment. It wasn't the words that rattled him...it was the teen's expression, defiance and arrogance backed by a power that he understood better than the Lair Legion ever would. He regained his composure as he chalked up the teen's reaction to her being in close proximity to the Shoggoth for far too long...and then he asked the golden question. "What is your choice, Liu Xi?"

    She kept her steady, cold gaze fixed on the Hooded Hood. "I don't believe I can trust you," she said.

    "You can't trust me." The Hooded Hood confirmed. He looked at Mumph and added, "You can't trust him either. Or the Lair Legion. Sooner or later they will fail you and you will be forced to protect yourself. I only offer you more power and influence than you can ever imagine."

    Liu Xi finally smiled. "I already have power," she whispered. "You have nothing to offer me."

    "Undeveloped. Untapped." the Hooded Hood said. "I can accelerate your training."

    "I don't wish it accelerated," Liu Xi replied. "Please leave."

    "Very well." The Hooded Hood looked at the fuming Sir Mumphrey again. "It seems your new charge has quite an independent streak." He looked at Liu Xi again and nodded. "We will meet again."

    And with that, he was gone, and the Lair Legion was eating as if he were never there. Except for Liu Xi, and Sir Mumphrey Wilton, who were still standing.

    "Good show, Liu Xi," Sir Mumphrey complimented. Nobody at the table knew what he was talking about.

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Liu Xi Xian is (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- All other characters property of their respective owners

Post By Anime Jason Thu Apr 21, 2005 at 11:57:20 am EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: Missing a Step (special edition)

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